Garden Therapy

Morning garden reflections with coffee

My garden is my therapy

It is my children's play ground

My garden is my grocery shop

It is my children's snack bar

My garden is my science experiment

It is my children's exploration

My garden is my venting space

It is my children's change of pace

My garden is my quiet space

It is my children's nap time

My garden is my creativity 

It is my children's discovery center

My garden is my morning reflection

It is my children's sand box

My garden is my exercise

It is my children's make believe

My garden is my get away

It is my children's safe space

Snack time!

You know, you can bury a lot of troubles in the ground. I don't remember who told me this years ago, but it has certainly stood true for me.  Whether it be frustration that I "work out" as I pull weeds or the sense of accomplishment I get as I watch things grow that I planted or started from seed, I always feel mentally lighter. Whatever the reason it seems to sooth my soul. 

Little Ma looking for
sugar snap peas

My garden has brought so much joy; to my children; and to myself. It has given us a reason to go outside on a regular basis where we may have otherwise stayed inside. I like that. Each day my littles look for snap peas  (which they gobble up as soon as they see one - ripe or otherwise) and that makes them excited. Their excitement is catching. Their eyes light up when they find a "baby mato" or "accidentally" find a carrot. They have a miniature grocery cart they push around the "grocery store" aka garden. I can always tell when they have found the ripe blackberries... that purple juice sure is telling and gets everywhere. They giggle as they find them. These moments are precious to me. Just about everything in my garden is edible and so it naturally lends itself to curiosity and lots of sensory exploration.

Baby Toad

We watch the bumble bees working hard going from flower to flower and dragonflies zooming around. We have learned about baby lady bugs (weird looking little creatures) and about ants... lots of ants... I like that they are learning that these are normal things. Not icky, not scary,  just a normal part of outside.  We found a bunch of baby toads the other day after a hard rain the night before and that brought excited hands and squeals of joy. We watch all the different birds; cardinals and hummingbirds are a regular sight.

Excited fingers eager to hold the toads

The other day my littles helped me turn the compost pile and we learned (well they learned) about worms. There were probably 200 worms in that pile (yay!!!) and it was quite the source of fascination to them. There were lots of high pitched squeals and giggles between them.  Oh I can't even tell you how happy they were!  We were all sufficiently dirty after that day. It was lovely. Truly. Nothing makes this momma's heart more full than to see my two little kids dirty from playing outside together.

My garden is love. 

Harry Potter AGAIN?! Self-forgiveness when you lose your cool – A PSA…

There is only so much anyone can take... and then you hit the wall.  Like REALLY hit it. I mean I get why animals eat their young... or is that spiders...?

A lot of what we do as special needs parents (SNPs going forward) involves racking our brains as to how to help our child be successful at anything/everything, and beating ourselves up “did I do enough or did I miss something” going through the mental checklist:

What doctor do I need to call?

What prescription needs to be ordered? 

What form needs to be mailed and completed for the state or county?

What assessment needs to be sent to a therapists or other provider?

What appeal do I need to complete for insurance?

Who do I need to contact about the educational issues he is facing? 

Can an attorney help me get the resources I need?

How much will that cost?

So this is most days for me, and then I come home…

YES I will look at your art please give me 10 min to get in the door first.

5 seconds later.

NO I didn’t see that cartoon…

YES I did talk to your teacher; we will talk about it in a minute.

YES I do like the color red. Kido, Mom needs a minute. Go find something to do for like 10 minutes please.

10 seconds later.

NO you can’t bring your tablet to school, what is that smell?... (his feet)

YES you do have change your socks every day, go wash your feet.

YES I will watch your magic trick in 10 min. Please give mom a chance to settle in and unpack.

NO you can’t wear that shirt to school AGAIN. I told you that this morning.

Dude... Really?!
(this was actually really fun/funny
if not really weird)

NO turning your underwear inside out does not make it clean (I kid you not)

YES you have to wear deodorant and brush your teeth EVERY DAY, AND change your socks and underwear.

Girr! NO I don’t want to watch Harry Potter again (every day for the last 12 years) OMG … And there it is; I lost it.  (Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Harry Potter, but not in that moment and not every day)

He stomps up to his room, muttering angry semi-intelligible insults and slams the door to pout

Sigh… 

I have been home for less than 10 minutes. There times when I spend the entire day dealing with the case management for my child and come home mentally drained by it/him and I haven’t even seen him all day and all he wants to do is interact with me on 50 different levels… Then I lie in bed beating myself up for losing my cool with him because I am just mentally spent by it all.

I think sometimes we as SNPs feel like we have to over compensate for our kids deficits. Like we have to be perfect for them, for society, to prove that we are good enough? I don’t know why.

Here is the thing. We aren’t perfect. AND we don’t have to be perfect. We are not ever going to be perfect. We have limits and needs too. Our best is going to look different on different days. Our kids don’t need us to be perfect. They need us to be present in all of our imperfect glory.

That is all I have for today.

OMG We Had A Baby part 2

When I had my first child 15 years ago at 22yrs old, I was clueless. I did not realize this at the time of course. I didn’t watch my weight during my pregnancy, I didn’t fret over anything.  I pretty much just assumed my body would just instinctively know what to do and while that is true the adage “Older and Wiser” could be applied here.  What a completely different experience!

Here are just a few things I have learned since baby No. 2 (whom by the way, I am completely smitten with)

Saying “No” is ok. To guests, to other mom’s “donations” (aka spring cleaning their baby hoard onto you), to smokers who want to hold your baby… Yep, it’s ok and in fact it is good for you to have boundaries… and to enforce them.

Breast-milk is sticky so clean that shiz up with a quickness. (ok I probably learned that one before, but I got a reminder… a few times now)

My schedule is the only one that revolves around baby’s schedule. Duh. Everyone else’s life carries on. (This is the difference between having a baby at 22 and 37). Don’t expect people to stop their lives in their tracks because OMG YOU HAD A BABY…. But yeah I get it... OMG YOU HAD A BABY! (Strong work)

Sleep is precious. I will cut you if you wake this baby… or me. Ok just kidding. Sorta… Amazing how I don’t have endless energy at 37. I know… Shocker right?!

Video games are golden… (NEVER thought I would say this) I love that my husband is a night-owl… can we say “Your turn”…? One of my most favorite scenes in my house is handing my just fed and changed babe to my husband for him to cuddle in the crook of his arm while he slays hordes of zombies… until 2 am. Good stuff here. He is epic amazing for this. Do you know why I love this? I CAN SLEEP or CLEAN or SHOWER or just SIT (how to decide?)!!!

Essential oils are well… ESSENTIAL. Lavender for sleep, Frankie (Frankincense) for my tummy skin. On Guard to ward off the cooties (germs), Serenity for well… Serenity! Because what Momma doesn’t need some serenity!?

My baby is gangsta. True story. He doesn’t care what I am doing or why. Can we say: “Give me all your boob OR ELSE” he also knows how to con (er charm) the pants off his dad!

I may love my cat a little less… “Get your dirty paws away from my baby. Girrrr get away from the breast-milk! No! Mocha get out of the bassinet!” … Poor Mocha. L I was not aware that kitties can have some regression too with a new baby… she was quite naughty those first few weeks. Now she could care less.

Going somewhere requires a LOT of planning. Feed baby, diaper baby, pack stuff, get ready, feed baby, diaper baby, soothe baby, and finish packing up, blah blah blah… what a production!

I am sure there are more revelations that are earth shaking (kidding) but Mr. Meatball is insisting on some mommy time and he is too cute not to oblige.   So until next time.

Remembering…

Today marks the 3 year anniversary of my grandmother’s passing. My beautiful, kind, wise, God fearing, strong and gentle grandmother. When she passed I lost someone very precious. She was my prayer warrior, my confidant, and my safe harbor and there have been countless times that I wished that I could just pick up the phone to share joy, news, to cry, ask advice, or just pray together. I miss that in a way that will never leave me.

However, when I look at what the last 3 years have brought in her absence, I would like to think she and I would find a great deal of joy in review over a cup of french onion soup while splitting a Ruben.  So in honor of her and the wisdom of her advice when in doubt; I refer to Philippians 4:6-7.

“Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He had done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus”

Counting the Blessings and Being Thankful

In the last 3 years, my marriage has grown tremendously. God has given us peace and a deep love for each other. Our relationship has become precious to us and I am so thankful for my grandmother’s support in those early years.

We have become home owners of a home with a sturdy roof that doesn’t leak! This home has seen heartbreak and joy as any real home would.

My Grandmother and my Mother. Beautiful 

Losing my grandmother had the beautiful side effect of deepening the relationship with my mother. When I feel the urge to call my grandmother, I call my mom and tell her I love her. It has become a wonderful thing that I cherish. She is the one I call with "the news" or just because I want to. 

We have a child in college and that is an exciting win, in fact he is almost done! And while the door closes on one childhood, we are experiencing another one with a new baby! Our other child has reached a stable point surgically with his foot! YAY!

We have learned new skills. Canning & Homesteading being some of my most favorites. Wiser budgeting; this is the one that I think my grandmother would be most happy about.

Travel. We have had the luxury of traveling in the last few years. Trips to sporting events, out of state family adventures and more. There have been some amazing memories made in the process.

My father-in-law’s heath improved greatly over the course of some of that time. Without going into too much detail, 2 years ago we were looking at a hospice possibility and now he is able to hold and enjoy his newest grandson smile and coo and grow right in front of his eyes. What a blessing!

Blessing others. We have had the good fortune to be able to use our stability to bless the lives of others.

A deeper relationship with God. My sister blessed me with a daily devotional book that has been gracing my early morning nursing sessions with Mr. Meatball. I love that God continues to pour into our lives in both little and big ways.

There have been COUNTLESS blessings but these are some of the biggest.

One of the largest blessings I have had in life is the presence of God fearing role models. My dad’s steady faith, commitment and willingness to be there for family; my maternal grandmother’s spirit of unconditional love for me and her constant support in prayer; my mother’s acceptance of me with all my flaws and her non-judgmental love of others; my paternal grandfather’s devotion to protecting the innocent lives of unborn babies as a steady act of Godly love and protection. These things have shaped me and I am eternally grateful for their commitments.

So now 3 years later, I remember her with more peace and joy than I have ever known and I know that one of the reasons I am able to be in this place in life is because of her and her heart.

In Loving Memory of Joan Mae Gardner

Dreams are things wished for…

I dream of little legs running through dandelion fields and of little lips blowing their wishes into the wind.

The pitter-patter of tiny feet chasing butterfly wings and dragonflies zipping overhead in the hazy summer afternoon.

Of innocent laughter as the wind teases hair and clothes and kites flying overhead.

Of wonder at baby chicks and rolling in the grass with loyal furry friends.

I dream of earthy rain scenting the warm summer nights and the steady drum on the roof.

I see little boots splashing in puddles and impish grins of joy at trips to the fishing hole.

I envision bonfires in cool evenings and short sticky fingers being licked clean with childish abandon.

I hear the crickets and cicadas song at night as it lulls my babies to sleep under starry skies.
I imagine scraped knees and boys in trees.

I see piles of leaves being rolled in and thrown in the air by little hands with joy.
I hear sleigh bells muffled by softly falling snow as it lands on tiny tongues anxiously awaiting each snow flake.

I dream of open fields and rolling hills and warm breezes of country air with little children running wild and free with rosy sun kissed cheeks.

Of nights twinkling with fireflies and mason jars filled with their glowing light.

I dream of you and me on a porch with tea rocking in the evening looking at each other knowing… we are in our heaven.

So I sent this lovely little bit to my husband for his reading pleasure and some warm fuzzies… and this was his response…

REALITY,

I hear questions (about 50,000) and grunting and feet STOMPING up the stairs and down the hall followed by the soothing thunder of doors slamming (Teenage Boy).

The joys of young adult smart ass backtalk singing through the house (Collegiate).

And the hollow sounds in the background of GO GO GO! BUUUT NO NO NO!

And on the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me 12 diaper changes, 11 grunts a grunting, 10 bucks fo gas money, 9 night time meds, 8 days a lazing, 7 glasses of wine, 6 college debts, 5  S—C—R—E—A—M—I—N—G hours (colic baby & frustrated momma), 4 Chinese combinations (what we order every time), 3 Spanish cousins, 2 bucks in my wallet and a FART filled bedroom STINK!

All as I walk down the hall with a coughed up fur ball on the bottom of my feet.

So there is that folks… 

I almost fell out of my chair laughing – I hope you enjoyed the laugh, I certainly did.  God I love my husband… HA!  

Happy New Year Ya'll

OMG We had a baby!!!

Baby has arrived! I have been pretty MIA these last 6 weeks due to spending some very precious time with our new little bundle of joy. “Mr Meatball” joined us at the end of October and has been a wonderful addition to our family unit. He is a chunky one for sure!

I had forgotten how consuming having a newborn can be. Getting 2 meals in a day while nursing and going on very little sleep was a serious accomplishment for my husband and I in those first couple of weeks for sure! But among all of that was the abundant snuggles and heart melting coos and baby noises and precious bonding that made every moment worth it. 

Actually there were a few things I had forgotten about. So here is a list of the top 5 things I did not anticipate:

How much we would NEED premade meals. I mean we had meals in the deep freezer but I didn’t realize how important they would be. If you know someone who just had a baby in the last 3 weeks, make them a meal or two. The kind that they don’t have to do anything other than heat up. Drop it off, and then just leave. (Parents of newborns do not want to entertain you – they are too tired and their time is too precious.) Cooking an entire meal was out of the question.   

Post-partum care packages can be great – they can make a new mom happy because it means she doesn’t have to go to the store to get things AND it makes hubby happy because he likely isn’t thrilled at the idea of having to shop for these items either... Just Sayin…  (Ideas: mesh panties… yep super sexy (stock up on them at the hospital). Ice packs for south of the border, Witch Hazel, Large pads, peri-bottle, numbing spray, Epsom salts, LavenderEssential oil, other random toiletries.)

How messy a house can get in that first week – you will not have time to clean it. Period. The up side of that is you will probably be too tired to care (or notice). And then there is the laundry (OMG the Laundry!) I went from doing a load of my personal laundry 1x a week to 1x a day. Not to mention the rest of the family’s laundry (Thank goodness my husband handles that like a boss!)

Nursing Tanks… These are GOLD. You want these. You need these. You just don’t know it until after the fact. Can we say hello Boob-City? Yes, you may as well just change your address to this.

Colic… So I sorta scoffed at this when I had my first baby. He was SUPER easy. Yeh… not a joke. I now understand why it has been called “The Witching Hour or The Arsenic Hour” by some. Lucky for us, he is beyond cute and he has trained us well on what he likes so Daddy and Mommy know the routine now… Sorta.

Slowly but surely life has returned to a more normal routine and pace. I began canning again (ahhh happy place), made a bunch of baby food pouches, went to appointments, and visited with family.

OK funny story (rabbit trail here) I had made a dentist appointment scheduled for what ended up being a week after Mr. Meatball was born (what was I thinking?!). I was SO sleep deprived (he nursed every hour that first week) that I fell asleep during my dental cleaning. How do I know I fell asleep? I woke myself up snoring. Yep. I was pretty embarrassed and apologized profusely. To which the lovely tech said “Sweetie you just looked so tired I just let you sleep and kept working. Your teeth are all set and you are good to go. It actually happens more often than you would think but usually with our older patients.”... Best nap I had in a week. So that happened.

Life with Mr. Meatball has been a wonderful, snugly, heart captivating, roller-coaster of joy full of blessings.  I wouldn’t change a thing.

Merry Christmas!!!

His Great-Grandma’s Pot

It all began with his great-grandma’s pot… Sounds like quite a story is about to unfold but so sorry no, not that kind of pot. Got your attention though didn’t I?! (Hee Hee)

About 4-5 years ago or so I was helping my mother-in-law go through the basement of the family lake house and I saw this HUGE black pot sitting on an old shelf covered in probably 20 years of dust (no exaggeration). 

I instantly knew I wanted it, not sure why but I knew I had a family with boys and I could use it. (And Yes! They really do eat that much.) So I asked her “Hey, M-I-L, can I have that?” pointing to the pot. She was like “sure, I don’t care.” Cool, I took the lid off and it had this funky looking rack thingy in the bottom with two handles on it and I shrugged and thought, “well that is weird” but packed it up into the trunk of my car and I brought it home.  

I had no idea what I had at the time so it kinda just sat in the closet unless I was making a big batch of BoiledDinner. Side note, if you have never had Boiled Dinner and you have a large family and need a stick to your ribs kinda hot soup – this is a good one.

Side Note: I have to thank my mother-in-law again for this recipe. My husband grew up eating this and it instantly brings him back to childhood memories. It is a household favorite. This is a recipe that I will be posting in the future so keep your eyes peeled!

This year's: pickles, dilly beans, and some green beans.

Anyway – 3 years ago, I had way too much produce and didn’t want it to spoil. I thought hmm salsa and pickles would be nice so I called up my cousin Luisa and asked her what to do and she was like “Oh girl, just can it, it is so easy!” and she proceeded to tell me how “can salsa”. She made it sound super easy. I immediately went to my local big box store and purchased the Ball’s Blue Book to Preserving and the various tools I would need. I did some reading on the internet. Ok to be fair I obsessed a little. The more I read, the more I was like, “I could totally do this!” And boy did I ever!  

I fell in love with canning. I canned enough salsa to last us a year… we averaged about 1-2 Quarts a month I would guess. I canned anything I could in that water-bath canner (which turns out is what my husband’s Great-Grandma had in The Lake House basement and had just been sitting in my closet) and the next year I filled gift baskets at Christmas for each family unit to enjoy. They were loaded with homemade goodies! Not only that they were a HUGE hit and I saved soooo much money at Christmas because of this! (To my family reading this, YES you will be getting another basket this year as requested.)

One of the Christmas Baskets from last year that was given as a gift.
See how homemade gifts can be quite a treat!

Anyway, I eventually moved beyond this and wanted to be able to do Pressure Canning but you need a Pressure Canner which… I did not have (sad face). I went to my local big box store and priced them out. Turns out a good sized Pressure Canner is not cheap. Don’t get me wrong they are worth EVERY CENT and you will definitely get your money’s worth out of them if you use them regularly, but I wasn’t really keen on spending $80-100 on a pressure canner. I thought hmmm maybe I will ask for this for Christmas. Christmas came and went, no luck. So at the beginning of this summer when I saw one at a garage sale with everything included (weights, 2 racks, seal, and the instruction manual included) for $10 I knew I had hit gold! “It works like a charm” she said “but we just got a brand new one as a gift…” SOLD! I couldn’t wait to use it! I packed it into the trunk of my car along with a couple of racks of jars and went home and promptly read the instruction manual and begun pressure canning…

So that said, I love canning even more (if that is even possible) and my kitchen and dining room currently show it. There have been boxes of empty jars stacked on the table since about July (they kinda go in rotation) waiting to be filled and boxes of canned goodness waiting to be taken to the pantry downstairs (by one of the strong men/boy folk in the house) and a big box of supplies to have on hand and loads of fresh produce from the nearby farms waiting to be canned. It is… as I call it… Canning Season… This is the state of things until around the end of October. 

I have already begun making baby food so… This may be going on for some time. Which reminds me, I will be posting recipes for homemade baby food in the future too so if that is something you are interested in, stay tuned!

I have pretty much told my husband that this is going to be an every other day thing until the end of October, maybe sooner as we have a baby due at the end of October! Woot Woot! 

It’s funny to me how something like canning has really lead to a focus of where my food is coming from (local, fresh, clean), a desire to grow it myself, and a passion for being more self-sustained and for using more natural ingredients.

So what if we aren’t there yet. One day at a time. We have things that we need to take care of first. We are so close to paying off a large chunk of debt (Dave Ramsey’s – “Total MoneyMake Over” is a great resource). (UM YAY!) We want to plan ahead, educate ourselves on some things, you know, the whole smarter not harder thing, but ultimately the goal is to move to our "dream property" before this baby starts school. Some would say that makes it a 5 year plan… I would prefer more like a 2 year plan, but hey, who knows what life will bring us.  I mean who knew that his great-grandma’s pot would lead to a love of a whole different way of life?! Anything is possible!

What to do with leftover Sunday ham?
Make 9 Pints of Split Pea & Ham Soup
& 3 Jars of Canned leftover Ham