A lot
of what we do as special needs parents (SNPs going forward) involves racking
our brains as to how to help our child be successful at anything/everything,
and beating ourselves up “did I do enough or did I miss something” going
through the mental checklist:
What doctor do I need to call?
What prescription needs to be ordered?
What form needs to be mailed and completed for
the state or county?
What assessment needs to be sent to a
therapists or other provider?
What appeal do I need to complete for
insurance?
Who do I need to contact about the educational
issues he is facing?
Can an attorney help me get the resources I
need?
How much will that cost?
So this is most
days for me, and then I come home…
YES I will
look at your art please give me 10 min to get in the door first.
5 seconds
later.
NO I didn’t
see that cartoon…
YES I did
talk to your teacher; we will talk about it in a minute.
YES I do like
the color red. Kido, Mom needs a minute. Go find something to do for like 10
minutes please.
10 seconds
later.
NO you can’t bring
your tablet to school, what is that smell?... (his feet)
YES you do
have change your socks every day, go wash your feet.
YES I will
watch your magic trick in 10 min. Please give mom a chance to settle in and
unpack.
NO you can’t
wear that shirt to school AGAIN. I told you that this morning.
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| Dude... Really?! (this was actually really fun/funny if not really weird) |
YES you have
to wear deodorant and brush your teeth EVERY DAY, AND change your socks and underwear.
Girr! NO I don’t
want to watch Harry Potter again (every day for the last 12 years) OMG … And there it is; I lost it. (Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE
Harry Potter, but not in that moment and not every day)
He stomps up
to his room, muttering angry semi-intelligible insults and slams the door to
pout
Sigh…
I have been
home for less than 10 minutes. There times when I spend the entire day dealing
with the case management for my child and come home mentally drained by it/him
and I haven’t even seen him all day and all he wants to do is interact with me
on 50 different levels… Then I lie in bed beating myself up for losing my cool
with him because I am just mentally spent by it all.
I think
sometimes we as SNPs feel like we have to over compensate for our kids
deficits. Like we have to be perfect for them, for society, to prove that we
are good enough? I don’t know why.
Here is the
thing. We aren’t perfect. AND we don’t have to be perfect. We are not ever
going to be perfect. We have limits and needs too. Our best is going to look
different on different days. Our kids don’t need us to be perfect. They need us
to be present in all of our imperfect glory.
That is all I
have for today.
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